Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Without the Career Ending Injury

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  It’s the only explanation I have for why everything has been ever-so-slightly off.  My day started out well enough: woke up, rolled out of bed, checked on how pup is healing, and then took pup out to go potty.  And that’s where everything veered off track. 

My forehead was in the exact right place to be smacked by a rogue sprayer head as I was winding up the hose.

I arrived at the pharmacy counter exactly one second behind a man who spent 30 minutes arguing with the tech. 

When I came back to pick up my prescription, the security gate was just being pulled down for a lunch closure. 

Because I went to put my laptop down at a table before ordering coffee at my favorite cafe, I ended getting in line behind a woman who held up the lone barista for 15 minutes with questions about the room rental agreement. 

I feel a bit like Daisy from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but you know, without the career ending injury. 

Spending such long periods of time standing around did afford me a perfect opportunity to people watch.  I’m not one to judge on physical appearances.  Instead of looking at “fat” or “thin”, I look at behavior and body language.  Always with the same question, are they card carrying members of my dysfunctional little club? 

I watched a woman eat a giant cookie while standing in line at the cafĂ©.  She made a beeline for the bathroom after ordering; reappearing a few minutes later with red eyes, hand already reaching for her quad-shot Americano.  Is she recovering from today’s local triathlon, refueling a depleted body?  Or is her behavior the sign of something more.  If I pressed my ear to the cold particle board of the bathroom door would I hear sticky sins being passed through lips, down the toilet and out to sea?

Everyone has potential.  The girl at the salad bar, placing each vegetable with care, is she just health conscious or currently following the ABC diet?  The waif thin boy, pouring over food labels, trying to bulk up or trying to reach an impossible GW?  I wonder what they think when they look at me.  Does anyone see the tall, heavyset girl and think I bet she hasn’t eaten in three days.  I bet she is hollow on the inside, broken like me.



  1. PLEASE EAT SOMETHING! Fruit and veggies preferably. Just something small. No binge just nutritious and yummy. Please?
    I think about others like that sometimes...ok often.. but I try not to, I think we see things that aren't always there because of what we know. We all have bad days- they make the good ones even better. How about trying to list all the things that go well in a day or a list of things you're grateful for to put it in perspective? keep going, it will get better xxx

    1. Yup, yup. Ate fruit and eggs last night. I really didn't mean to go that long without eating.

      Funny, that's what my dad always says. You can't know what the good times are unless you experience the bad. I try to keep that in mind, but sometimes I get impatient.

  2. I love people watching.. Before I got married, I used to take trips to London - sit on the balcony part of the Starbucks in the middle of CamdenTown - put on my headsets - listen to music - have coffee and just watch people..
    It might sound freaky.. But it relaxes me.. Alot...

    I still do it sometimes.. Just not in London.. Hm.. I miss those trips..

    Eat something love.. And try to take care of you..

    1. People watching is a lot fun. I don't think it's freaky at all. Sometimes in the summer I'll go down to the town square and watch all the tourists go by. It's a fun pasttime.

  3. I hope you're ok <3 I do the same too, wonder if people have eds and the like..
    I would be a hypocrite if I told you to eat when I am thinking "I wish I hadnt eaten in 3 days.." - do whatever you have to to be ok.. much love x

    1. Isn't it funny how we have competing voices in my head? The whole time I wasn't eating, I had one voice screaming that this wasn't healthy and another telling me what a great job I'm doing.

      I wonder if this is how people with schizophrenia feel?

  4. Everyone is more or less broken, it's good to know.

    / Avy

    1. I try not to look at the world so cynically, but I think you're right. We are all broken.

      I used to think there had to be someone out there who was perfect. Who loved themselves and their lives through and through. Now I think the people who act like that are the most broken.


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