Another Learning Experience

When will I ever learn?  Yesterday a coworker reminded me there was a leftover container in the fridge with my name scrawled across the top.  Half an elk burger.  It was almost a week old so I decided to have it for my first meal in lieu of my usual nuts, jerky and fruit.  The burger needed to be eaten before it went bad (if it hadn’t already, but I figured if I got food poisoning I’d have a legitimate excuse to leave work early).  The deviation from my planned intake led to a binge: a handful of midgees (tootsie rolls), three handfuls of pistachios, three handfuls of Wasabi Wow! mix from Trader Joes, two single-serving bags of Annie’s honey bunnies and two baby bananas.  My stomach starting hurting about halfway through.  I didn’t stop.  I’m going to pay for this later.

I know that every time I stray from my set meals plans I binge.  Every.  Time.  Not every once in a while.  Not occasionally, or even most of the time.  No, EVERY time.  So why do I keep thinking I’ll be strong enough to hold off the inevitable?  Sure, down the road I’d like to have a healthy relationship with food where I don’t have to think about every morsel that passes through my lips, but I’m not there yet.  I should accept that and stick with what works and planning each and every meal works for me.

Things did get marginally better.  I arrived at Olive Garden an hour early to get in line for a table.  Six months after the restaurant’s grand opening and you still have to expect a forty five minute wait before being seated.  My brother and mum were supposed to wait with me, but both cancelled.  I used the unexpected free time to walk around town.  I’m sure people thought I was crazy, tottering around in four inch heels and a pencil skirt.  I didn’t care, moving helped stabilize my blood sugar -- I almost fell asleep at the wheel after the inevitable crash from all the sweets and processed crap.

Side note: one of the best parts about losing weight is how comfortable my shoes have become!

At dinner I stuck to my plan and ordered the apricot chicken, then asked for water while the rest of my family ordered beer or fruity cocktails.  When the waitress brought out the appetizers I took only half a breadstick and a bowl of lettuce, no dressing.  I avoided the calamari (my favorite, argh) and only ate a few bites of my entrée. 

Okay.  Back on track.

I went on a five mile hike instead of eating birthday cake with family.  (Sometimes my food allergies come in handy.  My mom made a cake chock-full of dairy, so I was able to beg off by saying it would be torture to sit around watching them eat.)  It rained.  Again.  But I didn’t mind.  I love the smell of wet earth and green things growing, growing, growing.  My pup loved the many puddles.  It was perfect.

After my hike I headed to the pool.  I was kicked out after forty five minutes, so I didn’t get to finish my whole routine: one lap breast-stroke, one lap crawl, one lap breast-stroke, two laps crawl, one lap breast-stroke, three laps crawl, etc. etc. until I reach ten laps crawl.  The last lap of crawl is always a sprint.  My goal is to be gasping by the end.

Even though I binged today, I’m proud that I stuck to the 19/5 IF pattern.  It once again gave me the motivation I needed to stop myself from binging before bed.  I’m calling day two a hesitant success, or at least a step in the right direction.

This blog is also helping me.  I’ve noticed that since I started writing on a daily basis, I haven’t been unloading my problems on loved ones.  I hate when I bitch to my friends and family, even though they say they don’t mind, it still makes me feel bad.  They have enough to worry about without dealing with my shit as well.  Venting here lets me get it out of my system, which is nice.  I feel like I’m just a wee bit closer to being the person I envision for myself.

And now for something complete different!  Have you guys seen Portia De Rossi's new do?  It is AMAZING.  I'm not usually one for short hair, but on her it is perfect.  Love!  Love!  Love!