On Friday I called in sick, packed up a bag and headed for the
mountains. Except for the eight bears
that got waaaay too close, the two porcupines that scared the shit out of me and
a creeper camper that I nearly shot, it was a lovely, rejuvenating experience. Partly because I got to be away from all
humanity, completely alone, with no reminders of civilization. Partly because I brought no food with me
(with the exception of kibble for the pup) so I didn’t even have the option of
eating.
I had a bit of a meltdown last night. It lasted only a few minutes before I managed to get my body under control, but I’m still embarrassed. We weren’t necessarily taught to bottle up emotions in my family, but we were taught to be strong. In my mind, showing that you’re at the breaking point is nothing but weakness. My dad tried to comfort me, but he said all the wrong things. I wish I could tell him about the ED worms that are crawling around in my brain, biting off small chunks, savoring their meal. I’m not sure he’d understand. He’d tried to fix me with duct tape and zip ties, putting me back together with all the wrong pieces. Cramming square pegs into round holes. It doesn’t seem worth the bother.
I asked my roomie about the missing Tupperware containers. Apparently she gave them to her mom by
mistake, thinking she was returning borrowed property. She said she’d get them back today.
One mystery solved. Now I just
have to figure out how a 125 pound girl can eat a Costco size box of Cheez-its
in one day and not gain weight.
I was raised similarly; emotions are weakness and should never be felt, much less shown. I wasn't quite fortunate enough to have anyone to even fail at attempting to comfort me though, so I think your dad gets some brownie points for at least trying to, instead of hitting you like mine did. I'm sure that down the road, he might be able to hear the truth, even though he's having difficulty with it now.
ReplyDeleteI definitely lucked out with my parents, especially my dad. He tries so hard, and I know he loves me to pieces. Doesn't change the fact that he's a guy and can be kind of clueless.
DeleteAh well. I'm hoping to figure all this out before an intervention is necessary.
Men can be clueless like that but at least they're there trying to help! you've got to love them for that...even if things do end up in the wrong places sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI think a little nature break sounds lovely, I wish I could do the same.
I hope you feel better soon!
Maybe she has worms?
Hahahahahahahahaha. I haven't laughed that hard in AGES. Definitely going to ask if my roomie has worms.
DeleteYes, guys are rather cute in their cluelessness. And I definitely appreciate that he tried in his own clumsy way.
The nature break WAS lovely. Especially since I didn't get eaten XD
I read Into the Wild right before school got out, and your trip reminds me of it. The story's interesting but the book really wasn't that great of a read... lol. But I do want to do something like what you did one day, just disappear for a weekend. It sounds like it would be mega chill. ^^
ReplyDeleteExcept the bears and other animals that could eat me. Those don't sound as chill...
I'm so beyond jealous of people that can eat like that. Nearly all of my guy friends can, and it's so discouraging to watch them eat all the time. D:
I get your breaking point = weakness thing. I feel like that too. I don't bottle everything up either, but, like, I don't show everything, because I don't think people will understand? Lol, idk.
I think the fact that your dad would want to help is nice. Even though he can't really help, he'd at least be there for support, right? Even if he doesn't/can't understand everything you're going through? Yeah, that's nice. :)
< 3
Terrible movie, too, haha.
DeleteI know exactly what you mean. It's a hard balance to let off just enough steam to not explode while not showing your whole hand.
Dads can be kind of wonderful :)
im quite jealous of your weekend!
ReplyDeletewhere u went sounds beautiful
i no parents dont neccesarily say the best of things but their heart is there remember that
much love
xx
It was a lovely weekend.
DeleteThank you for the sounds advice :)
your weekend sounds awesome and i'm glad you sorted out the mystery of the missing containers! :) my dad's the same as yours...trying to help, but having no idea what to do, it can be so frustrating at times! xo.
ReplyDeleteI know! I guess it just goes to show, never jumpt to conclusions.
DeleteThey do try, but you know what they say, men are from mars and women are fucking awesome!