I did something terribly, horrifyingly, wonderful today. With sweaty palms and shaky legs, I held my phone to my ear and spoke the words out loud, "I believe I have an eating disorder, and I need help." The voice, canned and tinny, barely missed a beat. It spouted out resources and reassurances. It said they would follow up in a few weeks to see how treatment was going.
Two calls later and I am waiting for a counselor to contact me to set up an appointment. My stomach has been one continuous somersault. I am not entirely sure I am ready for this, yet I am incredibly excited to begin.
I have Ruby to thank. If you don't currently follow her blog, you really should start. She has been a huge inspiration to me. Watching her change her circumstances and life, and seeing how healthy and happy she is because of those changes, has shifted the way I think about Addiction and Eating Disorders (they deserve capital letters, really, they do). Unlike other recovery blogs I follow, Ruby is not afraid to talk about her pitfalls and relapses. (Seriously, some blogs make recovery look unachievably easy.) Instead, she uses each stumble as a learning opportunity. Without fail, she picks herself back up and continues on.
So, Ruby, if you're reading this, thank you. I don't comment often on your blog (or on anyone's for that matter), but I read every one of your posts. Hmmm, just now realized how much of a stalker that makes me. Ah well, all the same, keep up the amazing work. You're changing lives, you beautiful woman, you!