I've decided everyone needs a little absurdity in their life. That mine revolves around an ED doesn't change the necessity.
My day was eaten by a panic-induced fast. Penguin told me he was going away again for three months. I am a decidedly independent gal, so the fact that I had an emotional meltdown about being apart really irks me. At least I didn't let him see me cry. That's what showers are for. Nothing like being bent double under a painfully hot shower -gasping for breath- to make you feel alive.
Anyway, back to my *absurd* point. I don't eat when I'm stressed. My stomach knots up and refuses to accept food. Great time for a fast, no? Unfortunately, fasting is rather hard to do when Penguin is around. He makes a point to take good care of me, so after a skipped breakfast, snack and lunch, he insisted I take a sandwich along on our walk. To pacify him, I sliced off two pieces of bread, fried up an egg, spread on the appropriate condiments - all with the intention to never eat my creation. I was at the point of carefully compiling all the ingredients when I had to stop and laugh. And laugh. Here I was spending fifteen minutes on a sandwich that would never be eaten. A PB&J would have been so much easier, and the end result the same. It's all about appearances. The worse the ED the more normal you have to act. The bigger the smile. The bigger the lies. Step right up and enjoy the show!
It's a good thing I don't have to explain my humor to the people here. Somehow I don't think they'd find me as funny as I find myself.
Everything else is life is going well. My body fat percentage has dropped another 2%, and the weight I lift at the gym has doubled in the last six months. Somehow my ultimate goal of 18% body fat seems a bit more attainable now. I'm no where close right now, but someday I will. I've never felt that way before. My weight goals were always something I strived for without any real hope of getting there. Hold on the to small things and the big things hurt less.