Am I the only person who feels like they are constantly fighting self-destruct mode? Finger hovering over that big red button, knowing I could end it all?
No, I’m not talking
about taking my own life. I’m talking
about severing all ties, burning every bridge and so thoroughly salting the
ground that no relationship can ever grow again. And yet… I am torn. People are important. My family is sometimes the only thing that
holds the thin shards of my sanity together.
My friends provide much needed distraction and social interaction. My boyfriend has the most wonderful hands and
arms and lips. So I tread lightly,
stepping on eggshells while waiting for the ground to fall out from under
me. I wait for them to hurt me. Sometimes I know with absolute certainty that
I am the only one who can be relied on. Other
times I wish I wasn’t so damn cynical.