Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Oblivion in 3...2...1...

Am I the only person who feels like they are constantly fighting self-destruct mode?  Finger hovering over that big red button, knowing I could end it all? 

No, I’m not talking about taking my own life.  I’m talking about severing all ties, burning every bridge and so thoroughly salting the ground that no relationship can ever grow again.  And yet… I am torn.  People are important.  My family is sometimes the only thing that holds the thin shards of my sanity together.  My friends provide much needed distraction and social interaction.  My boyfriend has the most wonderful hands and arms and lips.  So I tread lightly, stepping on eggshells while waiting for the ground to fall out from under me.  I wait for them to hurt me.  Sometimes I know with absolute certainty that I am the only one who can be relied on.  Other times I wish I wasn’t so damn cynical.

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